Wednesday, May 23, 2007

 

BEGONE

GO AWAY

ALL NONSENSE HAS MOVED TO: THETHOUGHTFULPIG.BLOGSPOT.COM

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Tuesday, November 28, 2006

 

THEN JUST GET ME A CHERRY SLUSHEE, AND BE QUICK ABOUT IT

--

"I don't have a Dr. Livingstone's frozen elixir. I don't. I don't know what I can do.

Bill Parcells

doesn't have a kicker either

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Monday, September 11, 2006

 

THAT'S NOT WHAT THE MAN IN THE YELLOW HAT SAID

--

I believe, at the end of the day, personally, my life is not about a banana."

Maria Sharapova

here, there, everywhere

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Friday, September 08, 2006

 

ADD IT UP

--

With 2:30 or so left on the clock:

"They're [the Dolphins} are really getting into two minute territory."

Al Michaels

"Yes, but it's not really a two minute drill, it's really a four minute drill because they need two scores."

John Madden

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Thursday, September 07, 2006

 

MEMO TO MYSELF

--

"I would like to apologize to the Detroit Lions organization, our fans, my family and friends for any embarrassment these incidents have caused. These incidents represent a mistake in judgment on my part. I deeply regret them and have learned a valuable lesson. It won't happen again."

Detroit Lions' defensive line coach Joe Cullen, on the occasion of his (separate)arrests for driving nude and for driving drunk.

link

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THURSDAY'S CHILD HAS FAR TO GO

--

"Today is not Sunday. I didn't get my Ph.D., so I don't know."

Carolina Panther's receiver Steve Smith

here comes the weekend

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Tuesday, August 15, 2006

 

?

--

"I’m not Dr. Seuss. I'm not even Dr. Phil."

Mets pitching coach Rick Peterson

nyt

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Tuesday, July 11, 2006

 

SOME DICTIONARY HE MUST HAVE

--

"Brett was trying to help his wife."

Phillies owner Bill Giles on the arrest of pitcher Brett Myers after Myers punched his wife in the face.

here

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Thursday, June 29, 2006

 

WHO SAID IT #2

--

"Seriously, I suck That's all I can say."

A. Jenna Jameson
B. Condoleeza Rice
C. George Michael
D. Phillies pitcher Cole Hamels

sportsquote

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006

 

WHO SAID IT?

--

"I am not married to David Beckham. I'm not even engaged to him."

A. Michael Jackson
B. Allspice
C. David Clyde
D. Sven-Goran Eriksson

like it matters

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Wednesday, June 21, 2006

 

RECONSIDERING THE SEX CHANGE PROCEDURE, JOHN?

--

"I said, two years ago I wouldn't have thought about it. I'm not an idiot. If it happens, I'd be open to it. That's it."

John Smoltz

link

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HOW DO YOU DO THAT ROCK PAPER SCISSORS THING AGAIN?

--

"Believe me, I would like to know also. If I would have known, I already would have made some kind of statement or announcement or something because, as you can imagine, I get these questions all the time.

Anna Kournikova

link

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Wednesday, June 07, 2006

 

I GUESS THAT 'DON'T CRY FOR ME' STUFF IS OLD NEWS

--

"We like to cry a lot and to play the role of victims, and we always need to convoke demons from outside to explain our failures..."

Ezequiel Fernández Moores, a popular Argentine sports and political commentator.

nyt

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Tuesday, June 06, 2006

 

JUST LOOKING OUT FOR THE GREAT UNWASHED

--

"I decided to show the fans love. They pay my salary. It's becoming a big thing. I don't think it's like I shot somebody or something. You know what? It's good for the fans. And the fans will always remember it. And I'll always remember it."

Lastings Milledge does the fans a favor

nydn

|

Friday, May 26, 2006

 

GOURMET GRUB

--

"The food here, to me, is awesome. For me to be able to go through the line here [at the NovaCare cafeteria] and pass up the cheesesteaks and the pizza and the baked macaroni they had today, that's a great accomplishment for me. Last year, it was all bad. Every day it was pancakes, I have to drown 'em in syrup, like you can't even see the pancake anymore. That's not good."

Philadelphia Eagles' guard Shawn Alexander is on a diet

just the facts

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006

 

HOW BALLPLAYERS STAY CHASTE ON THE ROAD

--

"It swells up and you move on. You give it enough time and it goes away."

The Houston Astros' Craig Biggio explains.

wapo

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Friday, May 05, 2006

 

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO

--

"The other day they asked me about mandatory drug testing. I said I believed in drug testing a long time ago. All through the sixties I tested everything."

Bill Lee

link

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Thursday, May 04, 2006

 

ASKED AND ANSWERED

--

"Does he know me?"

"Do I know this guy?"

"I don't know this guy."

"I might have said one word to this guy."

"I don't know this kid."

"I think he overreacts to stuff."

"We go out there, we play, and when we play during the season, we play each other."

"I don't know this kid."

"I don't need to know this kid."

"I don't want to."

"We go out there, we play the game and leave it at that."

Kobe Bryant, beat poet

lat

|  

WHO SAID IT - THE SQ EDITION

--

"Every time you stick your butt out and try to hit me in my genitals, you're doing it on purpose. That's something you don't do inadvertently ...."

A. Ron Turcotte, to Secretariat
B. Dennis Rodman, to his latest paramour
C. Tim Finchem, to John Daly
D. Raja Bell, to Kobe Bryant

answer

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Saturday, April 29, 2006

 

STOP THE PRESSES! MATT "SCOOP" LEINART HAS AN EXCLUSIVE!

--

"Thursday, I had the opportunity to meet with Donald Trump. I was looking forward to it ever since we talked about scheduling the meeting last week. I met with him for 20-30 minutes and just hung out.

He's a very powerful man in the city. We talked about golf, the Notre Dame game -- just everything. Before I got sick this past weekend I was supposed to play golf on one of his courses. It was good to get a chance to meet and speak with him. Not a lot of people have the opportunity to do that.

It was exciting. What a great guy.

from Diary of a Doofus

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Tuesday, April 25, 2006

 

A KNEE SLAPPER

--

"One of my favorites was sneaking up on my teammate Awvee Storey. He has a bad attitude, and I just have to try and get him to smile."

"One day he was on the toilet reading the paper, and I snuck in with a water hose, turned it on him and sprayed him for, like, three minutes. He had all his clothes on, and he got soaked. It was hilarious."

One more from Gilbert Arenas

link

|  

ANOTHER LOVEABLE ATHLETE TAKES A TOUR DOWN MEMORY LANE

--

"I just knew my name was going to be called in the first round. I was watching the tube by myself while my dad was throwing a party in another room. I wanted to see what team I was going to and then join everyone to celebrate."

"When the first round was over and I didn't get picked, I started crying like a baby. I threw my jewelry out the window. I was trying to call people and see if I could give back the car I bought. I called my coach at Arizona and asked if I could come back to school. It was terrible."

Washington Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas remembers draft day.

link

|  

WHO SAID IT

--

"Unfortunately, I can't talk about any legal business.... But when things are sorted out, I'll be more than happy to tell my side of the story so you can find out what happened."

A. O.J. Simpson
B. Ray Lewis
C. Robert Blake
D. Ricky Manning, Jr.
E. All of them, of course.

E is the correct answer. Who said it most recently here.

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Sunday, April 23, 2006

 

FROM THE ARCHIVES

--

"... I was surprised to see that Bill Madlock is black. Mostly, blacks don't go by Bill, you know. They call themselves Willie."

Whitey Herzog's first day managing the Texas Rangers, 1973

lots more here

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Monday, April 10, 2006

 

DIARY OF A DOOFUS

--

"I went to a Billy Joel concert at the Staples Center on Wednesday. Billy Joel was rockin'. I went with my family and had a great time. I'm a huge fan. We were all waiting for "Piano Man." It was his last song. He saved the best for last."

Excerpt from Matt Leinart's diary

Read the rest of the the installment here.

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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

 

A MEASURED RESPONSE

--

"TO is not mature."

"TO is bipolar."

"And, TO is insane."

Howard Eskin, Philadelphia radio sports talk host, reacts calmly to the news that Terrell Owens is now a Cowboy

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Thursday, March 09, 2006

 

PHRASE OF THE DAY

--

"It's a very quiet clubhouse. Guys feel like they got kicked in the stomach."

Buck Martinez, the United States manager.

"We felt we were kicked in the stomach last night playing South Africa."

Ernie Whitt, Canada's manager.

nyt

|

Sunday, February 26, 2006

 

ZENO WOULD HAVE LOVED THIS GUY

--

We don't do one thing consistent, cause if we did we'd be doing it all the time.

Stephon Marbury, radio interview, 2/25/06

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Friday, February 17, 2006

 

AND WHEN THEY DO RUN OUT OF POWER, PHIL WILL MOVE ON TO SACRIFICING CHICKENS AND BAYING AT THE MOON

--

"You have to put them in salt or sunshine every once in a while to regenerate their power."

Phil Jackson discusses the care and feeding of his many Energy Muse necklaces.

SI

|  

WHO'S CRAZIER? (RETIRED BASEBALL PLAYERS CATEGORY)

--

"There is no good or bad. We're all the same, but we're all different. The higher we ascend, the more the same we are."

"I'll wake up at night and look at the clock and it's 11:11," he says. "I'll turn on the TV and see a baseball game tied at 11 in the 11th inning. I'll look out the window and see a car passing with 1111 on the license plate. The car will turn into a driveway with 1111 on the mailbox."

2 from Darren Daulton

---------------------------

"You guys never report the good stuff that I do."

Albert Belle, after his stalking arrest

all from SI

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Tuesday, February 14, 2006

 

JUST THE DRINK TALKING?

--

"I feel I skied the way I hoped would reflect a positive objective end result. But when there's a discrepancy there, you have a moment of confusion and disappointment. But after that, what can you do? My subjective criteria was satisfied. Subjectively is how I ski."

Bode Miller

wapo

|

Friday, February 03, 2006

 

IF YOU DON'T KNOW HIM BY NOW....

--

If they don't know who I am now, they are never going to know me anyway."

Steeler linebacker, and all-around great guy, Joey Porter

link

|

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

 

FOOTBALL PLAYER MORE INSCRUTABLE THAN ALAN GREENSPAN

--

"People are expected to do X-Y-Z things, but I don't do X-Y-Z things. I'm Darrell Jackson, you know? I went to Florida. Nothing was ever given to me. I'm D-Jack."

Seahawks wide receiver Darrell Jackson

link

|

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

 

SHE WOULD EVEN DO THE GAY METS - WHETHER THEY LIKED IT OR NOT

--

"I told him (Kris) — because that's the biggest thing in athletics, they cheat all the time — I told him, 'Cheat on me all you want. If you get caught, I'm going to (have sex with) everybody on your entire team. Coaches, trainers, players.' I would do everybody on his whole team."

Anna Benson (baseball wife, sexual adventuress) during an appearance on Howard Stern's radio show.

link

|  

ISIAH NEEDS A HUG

--

"What? I can't get any love today?"

What Isiah Thomas is alleged to have said to Anucha Browne Sanders, the Knicks former high-profile senior vice president of marketing.

link

|

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

 

WHO SAYS FOOTBALL IS GAY?

--

"He's got a nice one, a real nice one. I like it. It's better than Ben's."

Denver Broncos tackle George Foster evaluates QB Jake Plummer's . . . . . beard.

nyt

|  

GO FIGURE

--

"I am not Bill Belichick and I am not Bill Parcells"

Eric Mangini, new coach of the NY Jets

link

|

Monday, January 09, 2006

 
THE TENSE PROBLEMS AND DOUBLE NEGATIVE DETRACT FROM THE MESSAGE

--

"He spit in my face, no man is going to spit in my face. I have a lot of respect for Sean Taylor, but no respect no more."

Tampa Bay Buccaneer Michael Pittman wrestles with the language.

link

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