Wednesday, August 31, 2005

 

COACH SEES SILVER LINING IN HURRICANE DISASTER

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“If we can deal with this, we’ll be a better a better football team in the long run.”

New Orleans Saints coach Jim Haslett.

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Wednesday, August 24, 2005

 

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE CNN MORNING NEWS TEAM, MICHAEL?

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"Everybody's professional. Nobody's an idiot. Nobody's a jerk."

Giants' defensive end Michael Strahan

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Tuesday, August 23, 2005

 

THEY START DOING IT WHEN THEY'RE 12 AND KEEP AT IT AS LONG AS THEY CAN GET AWAY WITH IT

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"I just kind of said whatever to try to get rid of the questions."

Eli Manning

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Friday, August 19, 2005

 

STRUGGLING SECOND-STRINGER STRIKES SOLIPSISTIC STRATEGY

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"In these situations what I've always done is focus on myself, worry about myself and keep trying to improve. If you start worrying about other people then you kind of lose control of what you're doing. You can't affect all that stuff."

NY Giants reserve quarterback Jesse Palmer

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Thursday, August 18, 2005

 

GENE PITNEY REDUX

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“Nobody is going to have pity on you.
If our guys are looking for pity,
they’re not going to get it from me.
And I’m not going to get it from anybody."

Kansas City Royals manager Buddy Bell

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Wednesday, August 17, 2005

 

STRONG STANCE

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STORRS, Conn. (AP) -- Connecticut point guard Marcus Williams was arrested Tuesday on charges stemming from the theft of four laptop computers from student dorm rooms.

Williams, 19, of Los Angeles is the second member of the team to be charged in the thefts. Redshirt freshman A.J. Price was charged Friday. Police said they expect to make one more arrest in the case. The laptops were stolen between June 9 and June 14.

"... the Division of Athletics is unable to make any comment regarding these proceedings."
UCONN basketball team officials.

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005

 

BREAKING NEWS: IRON MIKE FINALLY WINS FIGHT

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Mike Tyson is denying explosive new charges that he grabbed a woman off an Italian dance floor, dragged her to his yacht and pummeled her when she refused to indulge in sex and drugs.

The washed-up boxing champ cooperated with police when they tracked him down on a ritzy yacht in the Mediterranean, where he is living it up on a tour of the watering holes of the rich and famous.

"He was more than happy to talk to police and invited the officers on board, saying he was a 'good boy' and not a 'killer,'" an Italian police officer told the Scotsman newspaper.

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YANKEES FAN LIKES TO WATCH

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Sexcapade in the subway - Fordham Road station gay-encounter hot spot

A Bronx subway platform has become a popular spot for gay men to have anonymous casual sexual encounters, the Daily News has learned.

The Fordham Road station, four stops from the end of the D line, is even featured on a Web site as one of numerous New York locations for men seeking other men to meet.

The cruising area is at the northern end of the long southbound platform. Anything goes, largely unnoticed - except to those in the know.

The News went to the Bronx station on a steamy summer night. In 90 minutes, we witnessed one lewd act - and were propositioned twice.

"It's a cruising area. I've seen a lot of sexual activity," said a 19-year-old man wearing a lavender-and-white Yankee cap.

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Saturday, August 13, 2005

 

LIKE INTEREST RATES, THE WAR, IRAN, KOREA, AND, UM, OH YEAH, WHETHER YOU'RE GOING TO STINK AS BAD AS YOU DID LAST YEAT

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"You look forward to games because you see where you stand on a lot of things."

Eli Manning

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Wednesday, August 10, 2005

 

EAGLES FANS REPORTED TERRIFIED

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"I like the changes we made. I'm getting more comfortable every day with what we want to accomplish."

Redskins quarterback Patrick Ramsey is raring to go.

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Tuesday, August 09, 2005

 

ROLL OVER, ALBERT SCHWEITZER

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"If you can't admire what he's done here this year then you're not a human being."

NT sports reporter Susan Waldman, on Jason Giambi

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Monday, August 08, 2005

 

NOAM WAS USUALLY PICKED LAST WHEN THE NEIGHBORHOOD BOYS GOT TOGETHER FOR A STICKBALL GAME

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"Sports keeps people from worrying about things that matter to their lives that they might have some idea of doing something about. And in fact it's striking to see the intelligence that's used by ordinary people in sports [as opposed to political and social issues]. I mean, you listen to radio stations where people call in--they have the most exotic information and understanding about all kinds of arcane issues. And the press undoubtedly does a lot with this...Sports is a major factor in controlling people. Workers have minds; they have to be involved in something and it's important to make sure they're involved in things that have absolutely no significance. So professional sports is perfect. It instills total passivity."

Noam Chomsky

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Sunday, August 07, 2005

 

WE SHOULD ALWAYS TRUST ATHLETES - JUST AS WE SHOULD ALWAYS TRUST PRIESTS, AND TEACHERS, AND BOY SCOUT LEADERS AND RICH BUSINESSMEN, AND POLITICIANS.

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"Trust me, there is no way, no possible way. I've gotten to this point because I'm healthy. There's no chance I'm going to take a chance on doing anything. There's no way."

Rejuvenated Yankee slugger Jason Giambi dismisses the rumors that renewed use of steroids may be involved in the 100 point jump in his batting average.

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I WAS HAPPY ABOUT THAT TOO

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"One thing I can say about Russell Crowe is that when he walked out of that jail house, that sucker had his head up. He was taking responsibility. He was acting like a man about it. You don't walk around with your head down. I don't want to see some guy walking [out] with a jacket over his head."

Michael Strahan

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Friday, August 05, 2005

 

SHERIFF BURRIGHT GOES OUT ON A LIMB

Teacher Reprimanded for Licking Wounds

A state board voted to publicly reprimand a Central Linn High School teacher and football coach for licking the bleeding wounds of several student athletes. The Oregon Teacher Standards and Practices Commission Wednesday placed Scott Reed on two years' probation.

Reed must attend a class on the risks of blood-borne pathogens within the next two months and furnish the commission with written verification of his attendance.

Reed agreed to ``stipulated facts'' that included him licking blood from wounds on a track team member's knee, a football player's arm, and a high school student's hand.

It was not clear why he licked the wounds.

The Linn County Sheriff's Office investigated the case last year. No charges were filed. Sheriff Dave Burright called the behavior ``bizarre'' but not criminal, since the contact wasn't forced.

Two students who reported licking incidents and another who witnessed an incident said it seemed that Reed was ``just joking around.''

Reed, a science teacher, resigned this spring as a track coach but remains the school's dean of students and head football coach.

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Wednesday, August 03, 2005

 

ANOTHER TIRED DENIAL

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"I never knowingly ingested spinach."

Popeye

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